Jaysun's Journal

Independent Baptist

Dog Shoots Owner


Every dog has his day!

Dog Shoots Owner During Hunting Trip

CNN released this article:

 

Utah hunter shot by his dog.

 

The incident happened over the weekend during a duck-hunting in the Great Salt Lake near a bird refuge outside Brigham City, (Utah?) One of the men, a 46-year-old from Brigham City, got out of his boat and laid his 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of the vessel.

 

The dog got excited, was jumping around inside the boat and then it jumped on the gun. It went off, shooting the (man) in the buttocks,” Box Elder County Sheriff’s Deputy Kevin Potter told the Salt Lake City Tribune.

 

The man was apparently setting up decoys when the gun went off, said Potter. The man is expected to recover.

December 2, 2011 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jokes About Obama


Jokes About Obama

Barack Obama -vs- An Intelligent Little Girl

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, “What would you like to talk about?

Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know crap?

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President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn’t get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn’t leave, so the farmer explained to him, “Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.” Obama angrily replied, “Hey, are you saying that I’m a horse’s ass?” The farmer answered, “No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse’s ass. It’s hard to fool them flies though.”

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Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?

A. The ink isn’t dry yet.

Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. Hillary Clinton won’t give it back to him.
Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He accidently smoked it.
Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.
Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It got shredded with his Rezko mortgage records.

Golden Oldie Obama Jokes

Q: What’s the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Q Why is Oprah supporting Obama?
A She has a history of supporting frauds.

Q. What made Barack help a Chicago slumlord to victimize the poor?
A. The check.

Giving money and power to Barack Obama is like giving liquor and car keys to a teenage boy. (Tip o’ the hat to P. J. O’Rourke)

Q: Why are there so few real Barack Obama jokes?
A: Most of them are true stories.

Q. Why does Barack Obama support our servicemen?
A. He doesn’t.

Q. Why did Barack Obama decide to be a lawyer?
A. He didn’t want to have to work for a living.

Q. What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A. Deductible.

Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.

Q. Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A. It stands between him and the First.

Q. Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.

Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat cake.”
Barack Obama says, “Let them eat arugala.”

Robin Hood took from the rich and gave to the poor.
Barack Obama takes from the middle class and sticks it to the poor.

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April 2, 2010 Posted by | funny, humor, Obama, politics, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Marital Humor


marriedman

Quips:

  • ·    Married men usually live longer but they’re much more willing to die.
  • ·    Men marry because they’re tired, women because they’re curious, both are disappointed.
  • ·    One guy said, “I got a gun for my wife…great trade huh?”
  • ·    A man is not complete until he is married and then he’s finished.
  • ·    A buddy of mine was so poor that he got married just for the rice!
  • ·    One guy said he made an angel she was always harping on something.

Baker’s Mix-up.
A couple went to the local deli to order a wedding cake for the coming week. That morning the bride had taken her devotions from the portion of Scripture that says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear….” 1Jo 4:18 She was so struck by the verse she felt it was the perfect will of God to have it on her wedding cake! So she left instructions with the Baker to put 1John 4:18 on the wedding cake.
The Baker however, was not a saved man, nor was he familiar with the Scriptures! He mistakenly turned his Bible to the Gospel of John Chapter 4 and verse number 18. If you remember Jesus was here talking to the woman at the well when He said, “For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband…” John 4:18

How Many Times Have You Been Married?
Frank Pittman said he was walking through the nursing home one-day when a lady stopped him and said “You look like my fourth husband.” He said “Lady, just how many times have you been married?” She said “Three.”

Cold Feet – Warm Prospects
A young Christian girl was worried about her fiancé.
Girl: “Mom, I don’t think I should marry Bob!”
Mom: “Why honey?”
Girl: “He doesn’t believe in Hell!”
Mom: “Go ahead and marry him sweetheart.”
Girl: “Mom! How can you say that when he doesn’t believe in Hell?”
Mom: “Trust me, if he marries you he’ll believe in Hell!”

Grief Stricken
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His atten­tion was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?” The mourner answered, “My wife’s first husband! Why did you die? Why did you die?”

What’d You Say?
My grandma would get to fussing sometimes – well a lot of times and Grandpa had what he called his “wife switch!” He’d just reach up and turn his hearing aide off!

The Curse
An old man went to the wizard to ask him to remove a curse he had been living with for the past 40 years. “Maybe,” said the wizard, “but you’ll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” “That’s easy,” said the man. “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

Proof of Bad Eyesight
A fellow was drafted into the Army but claimed he should be exempted on account of his poor eyesight. He brought along his wife as proof.  Married men usually live longer but they’re much more willing to die.

Amazing
A couple was having dinner at their favorite restaurant when the wife noticed the husband staring at an obviously inebriated woman sitting alone at a nearby table. “Do you know her?” the wife asked. “Yes, and it’s so sad,” sighed the husband, “She’s my ex-wife. She started drinking after we divorced eight years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My goodness,” said the wife. “Who would think that someone could go on celebrating that long?”

Preachers – The Old Goat
A young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
“Goat,” the little boy replied.
“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Pa say to Ma, ‘Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'”

January 12, 2009 Posted by | funny, humor | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pulpit Humor


Pulpit Humor

Quips

  • I’ve got more nerve than a root canal.
  • It’s better to be one-sided than two-faced!
  • If that don’t light your fire, your wood must be wet.
  • I’m so narrow-minded I can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • “I drink 32 oz of “I don’t give a rip” every morning!” Phil Kidd
  • “His tonus is mono and his tempus is longus.” Calvin Miller
  • “A lexicon?  Is that the little green guy that hides his gold at the end of a rainbow?”

Genuine Sermon
A noted preacher, James Gray, was asked, “Where did you get that sermon?”  He answered, “I admit I milked 20 cows, but I made my own butter!”

Nothing Personal
I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarrassed woman said after church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”  “Well, I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied.  “It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the churchgoer.  “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Hard Preaching
Talk about hard preaching – When Jesus got done preaching that crowd said, “Who then can be saved?”
(Matt 19:25)

Clean as a Whistle
When something is really clean we say “It’s clean as a whistle!” The reason a whistle is so clean is because it’s been blown out so many times.

Mellow Fellow
You say you’re not a compromiser; that you’ve just mellowed with age. But things turned mellow right before they spoil.

Compliments

“A Scotch woman said to her minister, “I love to hear you preach.  You get so many things out of your text that aren’t really there.”

Pathetic Messages
“B.R. Lakin was preaching a series of prophetic messages:  A woman came up to him at the end of one service and said she appreciated those “pathetic” messages!”

Overcast
A rural minister, discovering at the last minute that he’d forgotten to invite a little old lady to his garden party, called her up and asked her to come. “It’s too late,” she said. “I’ve already prayed for rain.”

We All Thought This Would Happen
A man told his boss he was called to be a preacher and resigned his job.  But he was back on the job in two weeks.  “I thought you were called by God to preach,” he was asked.  “Yes, but that was before He heard me preach,” he replied.

Pointed Question
The janitor had dropped a box of tacks in the pulpit of the church.  “Now what if you should miss picking up all of those tacks and I should step on one during  my sermon?” the aggravated minister asked.  “Sir,” replied the janitor, “I bet that’s one point you wouldn’t linger on.”

Staying by the Stuff
A pulpit committee was interviewing a prospective pastor.  “Preacher, we want a pastor that will stay a while.  So many of our pastors don’t stay very long,” the chairman remarked.  “Folks, I’m your man,” he replied.  “I stayed with the last two churches until they both died.”

Funny Sermon Titles

  • The Day The Price of Pork Went Up (Mark 5)
  • The Bad Samaritan (John 4)
  • Losing Your Rear End “…the hinder part was broken with the violence of the waves.” (Ac 27:41)
  • Dangerous Things Inside The Ark
  • The Vermin on the Mount (1Kings 18)
  • Chinese Water Torture (Prov 27:15)
  • The Dry Heaves “…the fish…vomited out Jonah upon the dry land. (Jon 2:10)
  • Mechanical Bull (Hosea 8:5)
  • Handicapped Christians “…brother that walketh disorderly…” (2Th 3:6)
  • The Dirt Will Come Out!  (Judges 3:22)
  • Mouth Rash “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl 5:2)

Feel Free to Leave Your Own Jokes In The Comment Box

January 10, 2009 Posted by | Bible, funny, God, humor, preacher, Religion, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments