Jaysun's Journal

Independent Baptist

Fighting Jokes


Fighting Jokes

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Quips

  • I didn’t say I knew how to fight.  I said I knew how to win.
  • He was a colorful fighter—black and blue and blood red.
  • “You said you could beat him hands down.” “He doesn’t want to keep his hands down!”
  • He fought like a baseball pitcher—at the end of the fight he had a no-hitter.
  • He was a crossword-puzzle fighter—he came into the ring vertically and left horizontally.
  • He once had a fight with a woman. He would have won if she hadn’t hit him back with her crutch!
  • He never bled after the third round. By that time he was all out of blood.
  • He bled so much, after his fight the Red Cross used to siphon up the canvas!
  • He has more belts than any other fighter— and all on his chin!

That’s Mean

He was so mean, when he called dial a prayer they told him to go to Hell.

Picking Your Battles

A bulldog can whip a skunk any day of the week…but it’s just not worth it.

No Contingency Plan?

A successful Irish boxer was converted and became a preacher. He hap­pened to be in a new town setting up his evangelistic tent when a couple of tough thugs noticed what he was doing. Knowing nothing of his background, they made a few insulting remarks. The Irishman merely turned and looked at them. Pressing his luck, one of the bullies took a swing and struck a glancing blow on one side of the ex-boxer’s face. He shook it off and said nothing as he stuck out his jaw. The fellow took another glancing blow on the other side. At that point the preacher swiftly took off his coat, rolled up his sleeves, and announced, “The Lord gave me no further instructions.” Whop![i]


[i] Swindoll, Charles R. Swindoll’s Ultimate Book of Illustrations and Quotes.

 

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October 27, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cooking Jokes


Cooking Jokes

 

Quips

  • “My wife made a terrible mistake the other day but we ate it anyhow.”
  • The food is so bad, we pray after we eat.
  • “My wife treats me like a god – she keeps giving me burnt offerings.”
  • “I’m just as full as a mosquito in a nudist colony!” Phil Kidd
  • My wife went to cooking school and major in the defrosting. She has the best meals you ever thaw.
  • Our family is made up of big eaters. After each meal we have to count the children.

October 27, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Michael Jackson Death Jokes


Sources close to Jackson say he may have died from eating 12-year-old nuts.

So Farah Fawcett dies… she goes to heaven and God says “You were such a good person… with so much to offer people… what is your dying wish?” She thinks about it and says…”I want to save the children” – R.I.P. Michael

Q: What do Michael Jackson and grocery bags have in common?

A: They’re both plastic and they’re both dangerous for kids to play with.

Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has a hot date?
A: There’s a big wheel parked outside his house.

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect “10″?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Q: What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him going down the road?
A: “I’ll be there!”

Q: How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
A: Pizza and Nintendo.


June 26, 2009 Posted by | funny | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Did Michael Jackson Go To Hell?


I seriously doubt Michael Jackson is in Heaven. In fact, the lyrics from “Thriller” will probably haunt his child-molesting, bleached-white carcass throughout all eternity.

You hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if youll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while you hear the creature creepin up behind
You’re out of time

Recently however, a rumor surfaced that Andrae’ Crouch had visited Jackson three weeks before his death and led him to the Lord. I pray that’s so and I rejoice in the grace of God that can save anyone. But naturally I am skeptical so I visited Crouch’s Facebook page. The following are excerpts from Crouch’s page concerning Jackson’s alleged conversion. You can draw your own conclusions.

Dave Nassaney is the page administrator and posts for Mr. Crouch.  According to Mr. Nassaney “Andrae’ and Sandra did in fact visit with MJ…as recently as 3 weeks ago…”   Apparently Jackson had asked for “…prayer concerning the anointing of the Holy Spirit, and how he could make his music more “spiritual.”

Andrae’ Crouch …so Andrae’ and Sandra explained to him about the “anointing” and about Jesus. He wanted to know what makes your hands go up, and makes you “come out of yourself”, and what gives a “spirituality” to the music? He then requested to hear his favorite song that he loves, and wanted then to sing to him, so they sang that song to him, and joined hands and sang together, and he said, “it was beautiful”.

Andrae’ Crouch …He first heard it in NY, and loved it, and wanted it on tape. He had the engineer tape the song sang to him by Andrae’ and Sandra. He definitely had an “encounter” with them, Andrae’ says, “he did NOT reject Jesus or the prayer when they prayed, and gladly joined in prayer.” He usually doesn’t touch anybody, but he touched them, and held their hands in a circle as they sang and prayed…

Andrae’ Crouch …There was NO actual “sinners prayer” however, but they did talk and pray about Jesus and the anointing of the Holy Spirit. They also told him, “Michael, we consider you as our son”, and he said, “Yes, yes, yes”, and he gave him his latest music on a CD, and he told him, “Andrae’ I trust you with this”, and gave him CD’s of 2 songs, unpublished, …beautiful music. He still had his Christmas decorations up at home.

June 26, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 71 Comments