Jaysun's Journal

Independent Baptist

Boyfriend Application


Boyfriend Application

After jokingly telling a young lady at our church her next boyfriend would have to fill out an application I realized it wasn’t really a bad idea. Here are the questions I have compiled so far.

Preliminary Information:

Name _____________

Date of birth __/__/____

Place of birth: Country ______ State_____________ City ___________

Mother’s name ____________________

Fathers name _____________________

E-mail address _________________________________

Phone number __________________

Driver’s License Number ____________________

Please Answer “Yes” or “No” In The Spaces Provided.

1. ____Are you a Christian?

2. ____ 1Corinthians 7:1 says, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Do you believe the Lord really expects you to keep your hands off a woman until you get married?

3. ____How often do you attend services?

a. Once a week

b. Twice a week

c. Three times a week

d. More

4. ____Do you smoke tobacco?

5. How fast can you run

a. 40 yards ______sec.

b. Two miles ____min.

6. ____Do you chew tobacco?

7. What is your blood type:_______

8. ____Other than a speeding ticket have you ever been convicted of a crime? (If yes, please explain and give dates.)

9. ____To your knowledge do you have any STDs?

10. ____Do you have any tattoos? (If yes tell how many, where, and what kind they are.)

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

11. ____Do you have any piercings? (If yes tell how many, where, and what kind they are.)

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

12. ____Have you sinned since you got saved?

13. ____Do you have a valid driver’s license?

14. In 50 words or less, describe what “Don’t ever, ever, touch this girl” means to you.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

15. ____Do you own a vehicle? (If so give the make and model and list at least four of the preset stations your radio is tuned to.)

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

16. ____If the need arose could you take your Bible and lead a person to Christ right now? (If so list some of the Bible verses you might use.)

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

17. ____Have you consume any alcoholic beverages in the last six months? (If so tell when, where, and how much.)

18. ____Have you taken any medication in the last six months that was not prescribed to you? (If so tell when where and how much.)

19. ____Did Jesus make alcoholic wine?

20. ____Have you smoked marijuana in the past six months?

21. ____Have you, other than by accident, ever hit a woman?

22. ____Would you hit a larger woman if she attacked your girlfriend and you were unable to restrain her otherwise?

23. ____Have you ever been in a physical altercation (a fight) with another man? (If so how many times)

24. ____Do you know CPR?

25. ____Have you ever led anyone to the Lord?

26. ____Do you have any gospel tracts on you right now?

27. ____Do you have any children?

28. ____ Are you a member of any secret society such as the Masons, Shriners, skull and bones, etc?

29. ____Have you ever been married?

30. ____Have you ever been engaged?

31. ____Have you been scripturally baptized?

32. ____Have you ever been accused of rape?

33. ____Are your biological parents still alive?

34. ____Are they married?

35. ____Do you work or go to school? (If yes tell where, for how long, and briefly describe your schedule)

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

36. How much cash do you have on you right now? _________________

37. What is the longest you’ve ever held a job and where was that?

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

38. Other than John 3:16 write out a verse of Scripture from memory.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

39. Write out another verse from memory.

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

40. When did you get saved? __________________________

41. Complete the following sentences:

a. If I were to be shot, the last place I would want to be shot is in the _________

b. If I were to be beaten, the last bone I would want to be broken is ___________

c. The one thing I hope this application does not ask is ______________________

d. In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like my ashes scattered

____________________________________________________

e. My greatest fear is _____________________________________

42. What do you want to be if you grow up? _________________________________

43. Where did you get saved? __________________________

44. Have you ever been fingerprinted? Yes ____ No _____

45. What church do you attend? __________________________

46. Are you a member of that church (if not, please give the name of the church you are a member of) Yes ____ No _____

47. What is the longest relationship you’ve ever been in? _____________________

48. How many times have you been baptized? __________________________

49. Did you get baptized before or after you got saved? __________________________

50. What is your pastor’s name? ___________________

51. (Other than playing Call of Duty) List some of your hobbies:

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

52. Do you have any identifying marks? (Birthmarks, scars, tattoos etc.) Yes ____ No _____ (if yes please explain and give locations)

53. My dentist is ______________________ City ______________ State _______

I hereby swear that all the information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge.

Signed ____________________________________ Date __/__/____

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 to 6 years for processing.

July 23, 2012 Posted by | Guidance, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If I Could Just Touch The Hem of His Garment


A woman one day tried many physicians
But daily grew worse in the Bible we’re told
But when she had heard, she came to Jesus
And she found what she needed for her body and soul

Blind Bartimaeus sat by the wayside begging
Nobody to help him down life’s weary way
Then Jesus passed by and He heard His sad crying
He reached down His hand and He healed Him that day

One day I sat by the wayside begging
Nobody to help me down life’s weary way
Then Jesus came by and He heard my sad crying
He reached down His hand and He saved me that day

Chorus:
If I could just touch, the hem of His garment,
If I could just touch, some part of His clothes,
I know I’d be healed, my sins all forgiven,
If I could just touch Him, I know I’d be whole

September 7, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Praying For A New Tongue?


Praying For A New Tongue?

Most Folks Can’t Handle The One They’ve Got!

When a prophet named Balaam was headed somewhere the Lord didn’t want him to go God sent an angel to block his way.  The beast on which Balaam rode was apparently more sensitive to spiritual things than he was.  Because the animal kept turning out of the way to avoid the angel, Balaam became frustrated and started beating her.

And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?” (Num 22:28)

Notice first of all (1) something is speaking that shouldn’t be.  2Peter 2:16 says this “dumb (mute) ass” was speaking “with a man’s voice.”  This is not the 1st time you find an animal speaking in the Bible (the serpent spoke to Eve in the Garden) but this is interesting.  Notice also, Balaam’s ass was a ‘she’.  In the average charismatic church, I’d say, women do 90% of the tongues speaking.  Paul was dealing expressly with the gift of tongues when the Holy Ghost moved him to write:

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” (1Co 14:34-35)

Paul knew it was the will of God for the “women to keep silence in the churches” when it came to the matter of tongues.   But Paul was also a realist.   He knew that people do not like being told what they can and can’t do.  Paul knew that later on liberal scholars would rise up out of the crevices of Hell and downplay what he had just written.  Accordingly, some argue that the prohibition against women speaking in tongues here in 1Corinthians 14 and the qualifications of a pastor in 1Timothy 3 are all just Paul’s “opinion.” Paul anticipated all of this and wrote verse 37 for everyone who tries to justify their charismatic grandma or one of their friends who happens to be a woman preacher. In an almost sarcastic manner, he says:

If any man think himself to be a prophet, or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that I write unto you are the commandments of the Lord.” (1Co 14:37) jimmy put the "swag" in swaggart

Paul knew many folks don’t care what the Bible says.  So he writes in verse 38: “But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.” (1Co 14:38)

Secondly, (2) this unnatural behaviour didn’t appear strange to Balaam.  Any sane person would have found this event beyond bizarre.  But remember, Balaam is not right with God.  People who are out of fellowship with the Lord are frequently and strangely comfortable in unusual circumstances.  For instance, when Jonah was running from God, the Lord sent a storm that nearly destroyed the ship he was in. The heathen sailors were calling on every god they could think of!  (It’s just natural to pray when you’re going thru a storm.)  “…But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep.” (Jon 1:5)  In his backslid condition Jonah seemed immune to his problematic surroundings.  If you have the slightest knowledge of the Bible you should know the Holy Ghost won’t make you act like a complete fool.  If you see nothing wrong with men and women foaming at the mouth and babbling on like idiots, then there’s something wrong with you (you’re spiritually retarded).

The Mosaic Law demanded that God’s people (the Jews) abstain from unclean meats. Many of the Jews continued to observe these dietary laws even after they were converted.  They did this more out of habit than necessity.  But, in their defense, there was no verse in the Old Testament that said, “After you become a Christian you can eat whatever you want.”  So in their minds, certain things like pork were still taboo.  When Gentiles started getting saved, because of their eating habits, many of the believing Jews were uncertain whether or not they should fellowship with them.  (It was hard for them to believe God would bless someone who ate bacon.)  On one occasion, because of this mindset, God revealed to the Jewish companions of Peter that He did indeed pour out His spirit upon Jew and Gentile alike.

While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Ghost fell on all them which heard the word. And they of the circumcision which believed were astonished, as many as came with Peter, because that on the Gentiles also was poured out the gift of the Holy Ghost. For they heard them speak with tongues, and magnify God. Then answered Peter,” (Ac 10:44-46)

Again the Bible says they spoke with “tongues” (plural) and not with an “unknown tongue” (singular). Tongues were necessary since, as 1Cor 1:22 says, “The Jews require a sign.”  Until the New Testament scriptures were complete, the sign gifts were necessary for unbelieving Jews.  Mark 16:20 indicates the Apostles had been commissioned to confirm (authenticate, backup, or validate) the Gospel with signs.  The purpose of tongues was to confirm that God had indeed stretched out His saving arm to the Gentiles.

The word ‘tongue’ in Scripture refers to either: a language or an actual part of the body known as the tongue.  As far as the Bible is concerned, the gift of tongues was the supernatural ability to speak in a language not previously learned. For instance if I was suddenly endowed by God with the ability to speak and understand Japanese, that would be similar to the gift on Pentecost.  1Corinthians 14 gives instruction concerning the utilization of this gift.   Many of these rules are violated and completely disregarded in charismatic circles.  However, the utter confusion, which “they” refer to as ‘speaking in tongues,’ is NOT that gift described in the Bible.  Tongues, such as in Acts 2 and 10, were known languages and not ecstatic, unintelligible, gibberish.

Some say that “speaking in tongues” is evidence of being filled with the Holy Ghost.  Some go even further, saying that you’re not even saved if you don’t speak in tongues.  I strongly disagree.  Take Jesus for example.  Can you think of anyone more sanctified and Holy than the Lord Jesus Christ?  None would ever accuse Him of not being Spirit filled.  Yet in my Bible, I never find a single instance where Jesus ever spoke in tongues.  If “tongues” is the evidence of having the “baptism of the Holy Ghost“, why did the Lord not leave us that example in His life as He did with water baptism and communion? Moving on…

For he that speaketh in an unknown tongue speaketh not unto men, but unto God: for no man understandeth him; howbeit in the spirit he speaketh mysteries.” (1Cor 4:2)

The word “spirit in this verse is lowercase.  It refers to our spirit and not God’s Holy Spirit. Notice, the word “unknown’ here is italicized, and the word ‘tongue’ is singular. ‘Unknown tongue’ refers to any language not understood by others.  We are told not to forbid people to speak with ‘tongues’ (plural) in 1Cor 14:39. However, the Bible does NOT say “Forbid not to speak in the unknown tongue” (singular) this is Bible Doctrine, not merely my opinion.

And as Forest Gump once said, “That’s all I got to say about that.”

January 11, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Patriotic Commercial


July 3, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Sermon Titles


Sermon Titles

  • The Party’s Over (1Kings 1:49)
  • When It’s Too Late To Run To The Altar (1Kings 2:28-34)
  • There’s Still Time To Run To The Altar (1Kings 1:50)
  • Shimei’s Last Ride (1Kings 2:40)
  • The Day The Price of Pork Went Up (Mark 5)
  • The Bad Samaritan (John 4)
  • Losing Your Rear End “…the hinder part was broken with the violence of the waves.” (Ac 27:41)
  • Dangerous Things Inside The Ark (ie. “woodpeckers”)
  • The Vermin on the Mount (1Kings 18)
  • Chinese Water Torture (Prov 27:15)
  • The Dry Heaves “…the fish…vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.” (Jon 2:10)
  • Mechanical Bull (Hosea 8:5)
  • Handicapped Christians “…brother that walketh disorderly…” (2Th 3:6)
  • The Dirt Will Come Out!  (Judges 3:22)
  • Mouth Rash “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl 5:2)

Feel free to leave a comment or your own sermon title below.  God bless.

March 30, 2010 Posted by | Bible, God, humor, preacher, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good Singing


January 11, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fags


Fags

“THOU SHALT NOT lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you: And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.” Leviticus 18:22-25

asdfawsawseeee

G.A.Y. = "Got AIDS Yet?"

I believe the up and coming generation needs to know, that men of God hold these individuals in derision.  They need to know what a terrible abomination this is in the eyes of God.  I detest being around Sodomites; they make me uncomfortable.  I don’t like Chihuahuas.  I just don’t like anything sissy!

There are many slang terms used to indicate a sodomite: fag, queer, fairy, etc.  Webster’s 1828 Dictionary does not even contain the word ‘Homosexual’.  But it does define Sodomite as: (1) An inhabitant of Sodom or (2) One guilty of sodomy.  Since the term “sodomite” is used, even after Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, definition one need not be considered.

Furthermore, sodomy is defined as ‘a crime against nature!’   Sodomy not only makes God sick, but Scripture implies that the land vomits at its very presence! “And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.” (Lev 18:25) Is it any wonder that California often convulses as would a man with upset stomach?  Why does the land vomit?  Because sodomy is a crime against nature!

When one attempts to defy the law of gravity by jumping off a cliff, they suffer the consequences.  When two men get together and try to do what only man and wife were designed to do, they too will suffer the consequences.

Whether or not AIDS is God’s judgment on the sin of homosexuality I do not know.  However, I am sure God is aware of the CDC’s recent statistics.  On table 22 of their website the following information is available.  Of white men with AIDS in the United States, it is estimated that 76% were men who have sex with men.  Furthermore, add that to the 10% of men who have sex with men and inject drugs.

In the Bible, we have God’s disclosure of His will.  Within the pages of Scripture we may peer into the mind of an Omnipotent God.  In the Bible we are warned, “Be not deceived!”  Could it be that some well-meaning ‘Christians’ are deceived?  A person is deceived when they see nothing wrong with two men getting married, or two women having sex.  Even with this sinful lifestyle becoming more and more tolerated, God still calls it an ‘abomination’ (Le 20:13).  Nevertheless, “God is not mocked!”

funny_signIs AIDS God’s judgment on the perverts of America?  Probably!  The reality that God has not already rained down fire and brimstone on our darling nation proves that He is a loving God, and not that he condones a tainted standard of living.

Alongside I-85, a billboard advocating tolerance of sodomy says, “Gay or straight…All…equal.” This is of course a reference to the Declaration of Independence.  However, it is interesting to note, they left out ‘created’ equal on their little sign!  While I would partially agree with our founding fathers that all men are created equal, I would argue that all men do not remain that way!

All men are born into sin.  You need not teach a baby to lie, it will learn on its own.  That is natural. Children must be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the lord, because sin comes naturally to all.  When an attractive yet scantily clothed woman walks by, a man’s ‘natural’ instinct is to look and lust after her.  That’s natural, but that doesn’t make it right!  Even if sodomites are ‘born that way,’ and even if they don’t have the slightest affection for the opposite sex; that still does not excuse what God calls an abomination!

Despite arguments to the contrary, the sin of sodomy is far from natural!  As mentioned before, Webster defines sodomy as a ‘crime against nature!’  Romans 1:26 refers to it as “That which is against nature.”  Vs. 27 says it’s an “…Error…” and “…Unseemly…” Vs. 28, Paul said these people “…do those things which are not convenient.” And, finally in Vs. 31 they’re “…without natural affection.”

In 2nd Kings 23:7, the Bible says Josiah “…Brake down the houses of the sodomites, that were by the house of the LORD…” – In Josiah’s time, the Sodomites had come out of the closet and settled down right beside the Church.  And today we see the same thing happening!  Perverts, no longer want merely to be left alone, they want to be accepted.  They’re not concerned with simply being tolerated anymore; they want us to embrace their perverted lifestyle.  I don’t care if they move in beside the parsonage and paint the house pink. I’ll point next door and tell my children, ‘Those people are wicked as Hell!’

You can’t show me a single instance where Jesus ever witnessed to a sodomite or a lesbian.  In all 66 books, God never sent the homosexuals a prophet.   But before you accuse me of being unloving: I have witnessed to several of them before.  I’m just saying that I’m not planning on going into “fag evangelism.”   Can you imagine setting up a rainbow-colored tent at all of the rest areas? I can’t fathom it but I do witness to them.  Have you ever witnessed to one?  By that I mean, have you ever showed them from the Scriptures that they’re at enmity with God and must needs repent or perish?  Have you ever done that for anybody?

November 6, 2009 Posted by | Bible, Death, funny, God, Guidance, humor, Jesus, politics, preacher, Religion, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Funny Sermon Titles


Funny Sermon Titles

  • The Day The Price of Pork Went Up (Mark 5)
  • The Bad Samaritan (John 4)
  • Losing Your Rear End “…the hinder part was broken with the violence of the waves.” (Ac 27:41)
  • Dangerous Things Inside The Ark (ie. “woodpeckers”)[1]
  • The Vermin on the Mount (1Kings 18)
  • Chinese Water Torture (Prov 27:15)
  • The Dry Heaves “…the fish…vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.” (Jon 2:10)
  • Mechanical Bull (Hosea 8:5)
  • Handicapped Christians “…brother that walketh disorderly…” (2Th 3:6)
  • The Dirt Will Come Out!  (Judges 3:22)
  • Mouth Rash “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl 5:2)

[1]Don Sessions mentioned “woodpeckers” then compared them to some hard headed Christians.  Woodpeckers also have unusually long tongues.

Leave Your Own Sermon Title

October 27, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Except For The Woman Preacher Its The Best Wedding Entrance Ever!!!


I haven’t found a wife but I have found my wedding planner!

But for every action there is an equally amusing YouTube video

October 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Good Fathers & Church


On Father’s Day, I preached on Good and Bad Fathers.   I hate to preach on themes but the importance of Father’s can’t be overemphasized.  This is an excerpt from that message:

In the United States, 68 million men don’t attend any church at all. That’s in spite of the fact that 86% of them, (nearly 9 out of 10) grew up in a church of some kind or another.

And if we’d be honest there’s a huge gap in most of our Independent Baptist churches.  We may have good numbers when it comes to the younger children but attendance for college age kids is pathetic.  I challenge you to do your own study and count the number of college-age kids that you know who live on their own but are still faithful to the house of God. They are few and far between.

That’s why I tell the kids in Sunday school that their church attendance and the way they live right now doesn’t impress me a bit. I know their parents and frankly they’ve got no choice but to live right while under their roof. That’s the way it ought to be. But, my point was that I want to see what they live like when they get out from under mom and dad. When they’re free to do as they please; that’s when we’ll find out what’s really in their hearts.

And so many churches everywhere are struggling to reach out to young people. But sometimes I’m afraid they target youth to the point that they neglect everybody else!

Over and over you hear the same scenario playing out. Some wet-behind-the-ears preacher comes to a church and starts changing things. All of a sudden, the older members are upset because they’ve stopped singing those old hymns about the blood.

Instead of hymn books the words are now up on the screen and members start hearing songs they’ve never heard before. “Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me” becomes an unfamiliar tune.

When you walk into the sanctuary, there’s a band where the choir loft used to be.  They turn down the lights and serve popcorn in the House of God.

Occasionally, some effeminate-looking man with long hair will step on stage and sing some of the most sensual, dead-as-Hell, God-is-my-girlfriend-music you’ve ever heard in all your life.

And though the older saints of God are offended, they’re almost shamed into silence when that liberal snake of a preacher says, “But we’re trying to reach the children!”  Thus, because they want to believe he has good intentions, the people let the preacher lead the church into religious liberalism.

If you know somebody that goes to a church like that, I want you to get a pen and write this down. It may not even be true but it sure does make good preaching. (Sorry, I found these statistics in my notes with no citation.) I read where researchers concluded that

  • If the child is the 1st one to get saved in the family there’s only a 3.5% chance that the rest of the family will get saved.
  • If the mother is the first to get born again then there is a 17% chance that the rest of the family will follow her.
  • But, if the father is the first to get saved then there is a 93% chance that the rest of the family will also get gloriously, wonderfully, saved by the grace of God.

I believe that’s what Paul was talking about when he said, “…Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.” (Ac 16:31) So again, I can’t stress the importance of a Father and the influence he has on the salvation of his family enough.

June 25, 2009 Posted by | Jesus | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment