Jaysun's Journal

Independent Baptist

Drinking Jokes


 

Drinking Jokes

 

Quips

  • The beer that made Milwaukee famous will make a fool out of you!
  • If it wasn’t for the olives in his martinis, he’d starve to death!

 

Religious Preference

A man in the passenger train car asked for something from the porter that couldn’t be supplied. He then called out, “Is there a Catholic priest in the car?”  No one answered. “Is there an Episcopalian minister in the car?”  Still, no one answered.  A voice finally spoke up.  “If you need spiritual comfort, I’m a Baptist preacher,” someone volunteered.  “I don’t want spiritual comfort,” the man said.  “I want a corkscrew!”

 

Poor Guy

A drunk was hanging on to a lamppost for dear life when an old lady walked by and said, “Why don’t you take a bus home?” The drunk said, “My wife would never let me keep it!”

 

Two Drunks

Two drunks saw a man siphoning gas from a car. One said to the other, “I hope I never get that thirsty!”

 

Walking on Water

The Baptist minister was asked by a mem­ber of the church, “Do you believe that people can walk on water?” The minister answered, “A whole lot better than they can on liquor!”

 

Cure For Worms?

A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class. He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following: He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about. He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them. A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: You’re showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won’t have worms.”

 

Two Drunks

Two drunks were walking along the railroad tracks. One said, “I never saw so many steps in my life.” The other said, “I don’t mind the steps,” “but this low railing is killing me!”

 

Two Drunks

Two drunks found themselves on a roller coaster. One said, “We’re making great time, but I’m not sure this is the right bus!

 

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October 27, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Alcohol


The saloon is a liar. It promises good cheer and sends sorrow. It promises prosperity and sends adversity. It promises happiness and sends misery…. It is God’s worst enemy and the devil’s best friend.”
-Billy Sunday

September 22, 2009 Posted by | Addiction | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Did Michael Jackson Go To Hell?


I seriously doubt Michael Jackson is in Heaven. In fact, the lyrics from “Thriller” will probably haunt his child-molesting, bleached-white carcass throughout all eternity.

You hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if youll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while you hear the creature creepin up behind
You’re out of time

Recently however, a rumor surfaced that Andrae’ Crouch had visited Jackson three weeks before his death and led him to the Lord. I pray that’s so and I rejoice in the grace of God that can save anyone. But naturally I am skeptical so I visited Crouch’s Facebook page. The following are excerpts from Crouch’s page concerning Jackson’s alleged conversion. You can draw your own conclusions.

Dave Nassaney is the page administrator and posts for Mr. Crouch.  According to Mr. Nassaney “Andrae’ and Sandra did in fact visit with MJ…as recently as 3 weeks ago…”   Apparently Jackson had asked for “…prayer concerning the anointing of the Holy Spirit, and how he could make his music more “spiritual.”

Andrae’ Crouch …so Andrae’ and Sandra explained to him about the “anointing” and about Jesus. He wanted to know what makes your hands go up, and makes you “come out of yourself”, and what gives a “spirituality” to the music? He then requested to hear his favorite song that he loves, and wanted then to sing to him, so they sang that song to him, and joined hands and sang together, and he said, “it was beautiful”.

Andrae’ Crouch …He first heard it in NY, and loved it, and wanted it on tape. He had the engineer tape the song sang to him by Andrae’ and Sandra. He definitely had an “encounter” with them, Andrae’ says, “he did NOT reject Jesus or the prayer when they prayed, and gladly joined in prayer.” He usually doesn’t touch anybody, but he touched them, and held their hands in a circle as they sang and prayed…

Andrae’ Crouch …There was NO actual “sinners prayer” however, but they did talk and pray about Jesus and the anointing of the Holy Spirit. They also told him, “Michael, we consider you as our son”, and he said, “Yes, yes, yes”, and he gave him his latest music on a CD, and he told him, “Andrae’ I trust you with this”, and gave him CD’s of 2 songs, unpublished, …beautiful music. He still had his Christmas decorations up at home.

June 26, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 71 Comments