Jaysun's Journal

Independent Baptist

Dog Shoots Owner


Every dog has his day!

Dog Shoots Owner During Hunting Trip

CNN released this article:

 

Utah hunter shot by his dog.

 

The incident happened over the weekend during a duck-hunting in the Great Salt Lake near a bird refuge outside Brigham City, (Utah?) One of the men, a 46-year-old from Brigham City, got out of his boat and laid his 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of the vessel.

 

The dog got excited, was jumping around inside the boat and then it jumped on the gun. It went off, shooting the (man) in the buttocks,” Box Elder County Sheriff’s Deputy Kevin Potter told the Salt Lake City Tribune.

 

The man was apparently setting up decoys when the gun went off, said Potter. The man is expected to recover.

December 2, 2011 Posted by | humor, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jokes About Obama


Jokes About Obama

Barack Obama -vs- An Intelligent Little Girl

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, “What would you like to talk about?

Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.

“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know crap?

—————————-

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn’t get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn’t leave, so the farmer explained to him, “Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses.” Obama angrily replied, “Hey, are you saying that I’m a horse’s ass?” The farmer answered, “No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse’s ass. It’s hard to fool them flies though.”

—————————

Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?

A. The ink isn’t dry yet.

Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. Hillary Clinton won’t give it back to him.
Q. Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He accidently smoked it.
Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.
Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It got shredded with his Rezko mortgage records.

Golden Oldie Obama Jokes

Q: What’s the problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don’t think they’re funny and other people don’t think they’re jokes.

Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Q Why is Oprah supporting Obama?
A She has a history of supporting frauds.

Q. What made Barack help a Chicago slumlord to victimize the poor?
A. The check.

Giving money and power to Barack Obama is like giving liquor and car keys to a teenage boy. (Tip o’ the hat to P. J. O’Rourke)

Q: Why are there so few real Barack Obama jokes?
A: Most of them are true stories.

Q. Why does Barack Obama support our servicemen?
A. He doesn’t.

Q. Why did Barack Obama decide to be a lawyer?
A. He didn’t want to have to work for a living.

Q. What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A. Deductible.

Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.

Q. Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A. It stands between him and the First.

Q. Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.

Marie Antoinette said, “Let them eat cake.”
Barack Obama says, “Let them eat arugala.”

Robin Hood took from the rich and gave to the poor.
Barack Obama takes from the middle class and sticks it to the poor.

.

April 2, 2010 Posted by | funny, humor, Obama, politics, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sermon Titles


Sermon Titles

  • The Party’s Over (1Kings 1:49)
  • When It’s Too Late To Run To The Altar (1Kings 2:28-34)
  • There’s Still Time To Run To The Altar (1Kings 1:50)
  • Shimei’s Last Ride (1Kings 2:40)
  • The Day The Price of Pork Went Up (Mark 5)
  • The Bad Samaritan (John 4)
  • Losing Your Rear End “…the hinder part was broken with the violence of the waves.” (Ac 27:41)
  • Dangerous Things Inside The Ark (ie. “woodpeckers”)
  • The Vermin on the Mount (1Kings 18)
  • Chinese Water Torture (Prov 27:15)
  • The Dry Heaves “…the fish…vomited out Jonah upon the dry land.” (Jon 2:10)
  • Mechanical Bull (Hosea 8:5)
  • Handicapped Christians “…brother that walketh disorderly…” (2Th 3:6)
  • The Dirt Will Come Out!  (Judges 3:22)
  • Mouth Rash “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl 5:2)

Feel free to leave a comment or your own sermon title below.  God bless.

March 30, 2010 Posted by | Bible, God, humor, preacher, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fags


Fags

“THOU SHALT NOT lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you: And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.” Leviticus 18:22-25

asdfawsawseeee

G.A.Y. = "Got AIDS Yet?"

I believe the up and coming generation needs to know, that men of God hold these individuals in derision.  They need to know what a terrible abomination this is in the eyes of God.  I detest being around Sodomites; they make me uncomfortable.  I don’t like Chihuahuas.  I just don’t like anything sissy!

There are many slang terms used to indicate a sodomite: fag, queer, fairy, etc.  Webster’s 1828 Dictionary does not even contain the word ‘Homosexual’.  But it does define Sodomite as: (1) An inhabitant of Sodom or (2) One guilty of sodomy.  Since the term “sodomite” is used, even after Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed, definition one need not be considered.

Furthermore, sodomy is defined as ‘a crime against nature!’   Sodomy not only makes God sick, but Scripture implies that the land vomits at its very presence! “And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.” (Lev 18:25) Is it any wonder that California often convulses as would a man with upset stomach?  Why does the land vomit?  Because sodomy is a crime against nature!

When one attempts to defy the law of gravity by jumping off a cliff, they suffer the consequences.  When two men get together and try to do what only man and wife were designed to do, they too will suffer the consequences.

Whether or not AIDS is God’s judgment on the sin of homosexuality I do not know.  However, I am sure God is aware of the CDC’s recent statistics.  On table 22 of their website the following information is available.  Of white men with AIDS in the United States, it is estimated that 76% were men who have sex with men.  Furthermore, add that to the 10% of men who have sex with men and inject drugs.

In the Bible, we have God’s disclosure of His will.  Within the pages of Scripture we may peer into the mind of an Omnipotent God.  In the Bible we are warned, “Be not deceived!”  Could it be that some well-meaning ‘Christians’ are deceived?  A person is deceived when they see nothing wrong with two men getting married, or two women having sex.  Even with this sinful lifestyle becoming more and more tolerated, God still calls it an ‘abomination’ (Le 20:13).  Nevertheless, “God is not mocked!”

funny_signIs AIDS God’s judgment on the perverts of America?  Probably!  The reality that God has not already rained down fire and brimstone on our darling nation proves that He is a loving God, and not that he condones a tainted standard of living.

Alongside I-85, a billboard advocating tolerance of sodomy says, “Gay or straight…All…equal.” This is of course a reference to the Declaration of Independence.  However, it is interesting to note, they left out ‘created’ equal on their little sign!  While I would partially agree with our founding fathers that all men are created equal, I would argue that all men do not remain that way!

All men are born into sin.  You need not teach a baby to lie, it will learn on its own.  That is natural. Children must be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the lord, because sin comes naturally to all.  When an attractive yet scantily clothed woman walks by, a man’s ‘natural’ instinct is to look and lust after her.  That’s natural, but that doesn’t make it right!  Even if sodomites are ‘born that way,’ and even if they don’t have the slightest affection for the opposite sex; that still does not excuse what God calls an abomination!

Despite arguments to the contrary, the sin of sodomy is far from natural!  As mentioned before, Webster defines sodomy as a ‘crime against nature!’  Romans 1:26 refers to it as “That which is against nature.”  Vs. 27 says it’s an “…Error…” and “…Unseemly…” Vs. 28, Paul said these people “…do those things which are not convenient.” And, finally in Vs. 31 they’re “…without natural affection.”

In 2nd Kings 23:7, the Bible says Josiah “…Brake down the houses of the sodomites, that were by the house of the LORD…” – In Josiah’s time, the Sodomites had come out of the closet and settled down right beside the Church.  And today we see the same thing happening!  Perverts, no longer want merely to be left alone, they want to be accepted.  They’re not concerned with simply being tolerated anymore; they want us to embrace their perverted lifestyle.  I don’t care if they move in beside the parsonage and paint the house pink. I’ll point next door and tell my children, ‘Those people are wicked as Hell!’

You can’t show me a single instance where Jesus ever witnessed to a sodomite or a lesbian.  In all 66 books, God never sent the homosexuals a prophet.   But before you accuse me of being unloving: I have witnessed to several of them before.  I’m just saying that I’m not planning on going into “fag evangelism.”   Can you imagine setting up a rainbow-colored tent at all of the rest areas? I can’t fathom it but I do witness to them.  Have you ever witnessed to one?  By that I mean, have you ever showed them from the Scriptures that they’re at enmity with God and must needs repent or perish?  Have you ever done that for anybody?

November 6, 2009 Posted by | Bible, Death, funny, God, Guidance, humor, Jesus, politics, preacher, Religion, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Welfare Poem


Welfare Poem

I cross ocean, poor and broke,

Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,

Say I need to see welfare.

Welfare say, ‘You come no more,
We send cash right to your door.’
Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep you healthy!

By and by, I get plenty money,
Thanks to you, American dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them ‘come fast as you can.’

They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks
They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor’s patience wearing thin.
Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,

‘Find more aliens for house to rent.’
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby it’s called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kid’s need dentist? Wife’s need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
American’s crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan ..

It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of $2,470.00 .

This compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development of America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.

Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!

I have just found out that these stats are not correct. I still like the poem though!

http://erichovind.blogspot.com

June 14, 2009 Posted by | humor, Obama, politics, Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment

Marital Humor


marriedman

Quips:

  • ·    Married men usually live longer but they’re much more willing to die.
  • ·    Men marry because they’re tired, women because they’re curious, both are disappointed.
  • ·    One guy said, “I got a gun for my wife…great trade huh?”
  • ·    A man is not complete until he is married and then he’s finished.
  • ·    A buddy of mine was so poor that he got married just for the rice!
  • ·    One guy said he made an angel she was always harping on something.

Baker’s Mix-up.
A couple went to the local deli to order a wedding cake for the coming week. That morning the bride had taken her devotions from the portion of Scripture that says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear….” 1Jo 4:18 She was so struck by the verse she felt it was the perfect will of God to have it on her wedding cake! So she left instructions with the Baker to put 1John 4:18 on the wedding cake.
The Baker however, was not a saved man, nor was he familiar with the Scriptures! He mistakenly turned his Bible to the Gospel of John Chapter 4 and verse number 18. If you remember Jesus was here talking to the woman at the well when He said, “For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband…” John 4:18

How Many Times Have You Been Married?
Frank Pittman said he was walking through the nursing home one-day when a lady stopped him and said “You look like my fourth husband.” He said “Lady, just how many times have you been married?” She said “Three.”

Cold Feet – Warm Prospects
A young Christian girl was worried about her fiancé.
Girl: “Mom, I don’t think I should marry Bob!”
Mom: “Why honey?”
Girl: “He doesn’t believe in Hell!”
Mom: “Go ahead and marry him sweetheart.”
Girl: “Mom! How can you say that when he doesn’t believe in Hell?”
Mom: “Trust me, if he marries you he’ll believe in Hell!”

Grief Stricken
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His atten­tion was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?” The mourner answered, “My wife’s first husband! Why did you die? Why did you die?”

What’d You Say?
My grandma would get to fussing sometimes – well a lot of times and Grandpa had what he called his “wife switch!” He’d just reach up and turn his hearing aide off!

The Curse
An old man went to the wizard to ask him to remove a curse he had been living with for the past 40 years. “Maybe,” said the wizard, “but you’ll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” “That’s easy,” said the man. “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

Proof of Bad Eyesight
A fellow was drafted into the Army but claimed he should be exempted on account of his poor eyesight. He brought along his wife as proof.  Married men usually live longer but they’re much more willing to die.

Amazing
A couple was having dinner at their favorite restaurant when the wife noticed the husband staring at an obviously inebriated woman sitting alone at a nearby table. “Do you know her?” the wife asked. “Yes, and it’s so sad,” sighed the husband, “She’s my ex-wife. She started drinking after we divorced eight years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My goodness,” said the wife. “Who would think that someone could go on celebrating that long?”

Preachers – The Old Goat
A young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
“Goat,” the little boy replied.
“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Pa say to Ma, ‘Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'”

January 12, 2009 Posted by | funny, humor | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pulpit Humor


Pulpit Humor

Quips

  • I’ve got more nerve than a root canal.
  • It’s better to be one-sided than two-faced!
  • If that don’t light your fire, your wood must be wet.
  • I’m so narrow-minded I can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • “I drink 32 oz of “I don’t give a rip” every morning!” Phil Kidd
  • “His tonus is mono and his tempus is longus.” Calvin Miller
  • “A lexicon?  Is that the little green guy that hides his gold at the end of a rainbow?”

Genuine Sermon
A noted preacher, James Gray, was asked, “Where did you get that sermon?”  He answered, “I admit I milked 20 cows, but I made my own butter!”

Nothing Personal
I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarrassed woman said after church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”  “Well, I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied.  “It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the churchgoer.  “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Hard Preaching
Talk about hard preaching – When Jesus got done preaching that crowd said, “Who then can be saved?”
(Matt 19:25)

Clean as a Whistle
When something is really clean we say “It’s clean as a whistle!” The reason a whistle is so clean is because it’s been blown out so many times.

Mellow Fellow
You say you’re not a compromiser; that you’ve just mellowed with age. But things turned mellow right before they spoil.

Compliments

“A Scotch woman said to her minister, “I love to hear you preach.  You get so many things out of your text that aren’t really there.”

Pathetic Messages
“B.R. Lakin was preaching a series of prophetic messages:  A woman came up to him at the end of one service and said she appreciated those “pathetic” messages!”

Overcast
A rural minister, discovering at the last minute that he’d forgotten to invite a little old lady to his garden party, called her up and asked her to come. “It’s too late,” she said. “I’ve already prayed for rain.”

We All Thought This Would Happen
A man told his boss he was called to be a preacher and resigned his job.  But he was back on the job in two weeks.  “I thought you were called by God to preach,” he was asked.  “Yes, but that was before He heard me preach,” he replied.

Pointed Question
The janitor had dropped a box of tacks in the pulpit of the church.  “Now what if you should miss picking up all of those tacks and I should step on one during  my sermon?” the aggravated minister asked.  “Sir,” replied the janitor, “I bet that’s one point you wouldn’t linger on.”

Staying by the Stuff
A pulpit committee was interviewing a prospective pastor.  “Preacher, we want a pastor that will stay a while.  So many of our pastors don’t stay very long,” the chairman remarked.  “Folks, I’m your man,” he replied.  “I stayed with the last two churches until they both died.”

Funny Sermon Titles

  • The Day The Price of Pork Went Up (Mark 5)
  • The Bad Samaritan (John 4)
  • Losing Your Rear End “…the hinder part was broken with the violence of the waves.” (Ac 27:41)
  • Dangerous Things Inside The Ark
  • The Vermin on the Mount (1Kings 18)
  • Chinese Water Torture (Prov 27:15)
  • The Dry Heaves “…the fish…vomited out Jonah upon the dry land. (Jon 2:10)
  • Mechanical Bull (Hosea 8:5)
  • Handicapped Christians “…brother that walketh disorderly…” (2Th 3:6)
  • The Dirt Will Come Out!  (Judges 3:22)
  • Mouth Rash “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl 5:2)

Feel Free to Leave Your Own Jokes In The Comment Box

January 10, 2009 Posted by | Bible, funny, God, humor, preacher, Religion, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments