Jaysun's Journal

Independent Baptist

Pulpit Humor


Pulpit Humor

Quips

  • I’ve got more nerve than a root canal.
  • It’s better to be one-sided than two-faced!
  • If that don’t light your fire, your wood must be wet.
  • I’m so narrow-minded I can see through a keyhole with both eyes.
  • “I drink 32 oz of “I don’t give a rip” every morning!” Phil Kidd
  • “His tonus is mono and his tempus is longus.” Calvin Miller
  • “A lexicon?  Is that the little green guy that hides his gold at the end of a rainbow?”

Genuine Sermon
A noted preacher, James Gray, was asked, “Where did you get that sermon?”  He answered, “I admit I milked 20 cows, but I made my own butter!”

Nothing Personal
I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarrassed woman said after church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”  “Well, I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied.  “It’s not a reflection on you, sir,” insisted the churchgoer.  “Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Hard Preaching
Talk about hard preaching – When Jesus got done preaching that crowd said, “Who then can be saved?”
(Matt 19:25)

Clean as a Whistle
When something is really clean we say “It’s clean as a whistle!” The reason a whistle is so clean is because it’s been blown out so many times.

Mellow Fellow
You say you’re not a compromiser; that you’ve just mellowed with age. But things turned mellow right before they spoil.

Compliments

“A Scotch woman said to her minister, “I love to hear you preach.  You get so many things out of your text that aren’t really there.”

Pathetic Messages
“B.R. Lakin was preaching a series of prophetic messages:  A woman came up to him at the end of one service and said she appreciated those “pathetic” messages!”

Overcast
A rural minister, discovering at the last minute that he’d forgotten to invite a little old lady to his garden party, called her up and asked her to come. “It’s too late,” she said. “I’ve already prayed for rain.”

We All Thought This Would Happen
A man told his boss he was called to be a preacher and resigned his job.  But he was back on the job in two weeks.  “I thought you were called by God to preach,” he was asked.  “Yes, but that was before He heard me preach,” he replied.

Pointed Question
The janitor had dropped a box of tacks in the pulpit of the church.  “Now what if you should miss picking up all of those tacks and I should step on one during  my sermon?” the aggravated minister asked.  “Sir,” replied the janitor, “I bet that’s one point you wouldn’t linger on.”

Staying by the Stuff
A pulpit committee was interviewing a prospective pastor.  “Preacher, we want a pastor that will stay a while.  So many of our pastors don’t stay very long,” the chairman remarked.  “Folks, I’m your man,” he replied.  “I stayed with the last two churches until they both died.”

Funny Sermon Titles

  • The Day The Price of Pork Went Up (Mark 5)
  • The Bad Samaritan (John 4)
  • Losing Your Rear End “…the hinder part was broken with the violence of the waves.” (Ac 27:41)
  • Dangerous Things Inside The Ark
  • The Vermin on the Mount (1Kings 18)
  • Chinese Water Torture (Prov 27:15)
  • The Dry Heaves “…the fish…vomited out Jonah upon the dry land. (Jon 2:10)
  • Mechanical Bull (Hosea 8:5)
  • Handicapped Christians “…brother that walketh disorderly…” (2Th 3:6)
  • The Dirt Will Come Out!  (Judges 3:22)
  • Mouth Rash “Be not rash with thy mouth…” (Eccl 5:2)

Feel Free to Leave Your Own Jokes In The Comment Box

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January 10, 2009 - Posted by | Bible, funny, God, humor, preacher, Religion, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. The congregations biggest gossip happened to see the pastor’s pickup truck parked outside the town bar one evening. As expected the stories began and expanded over the phone and soon reached the pastor’s ear. Interestingly, the rumors suddenly ceased the morning after the pastor parked his pickup outside the gossips house overnight.

    Comment by James Teeter | September 29, 2012 | Reply

  2. This blog post, “Pulpit Humor Jaysun’s Journal” was excellent. I am printing out a reproduce to present my close friends. Thanks for the post-Gabriele

    Comment by http://tinyurl.com/calivale36046 | February 4, 2013 | Reply


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